Sunday, March 21, 2010

a critical analysis of political ads for the 2010 elections.

My colleague said that such idiocy in our surroundings does not merit something as haikus. We had a laugh reciting this, I for one, think that this is my first haikus. Well, yeah, haikus maybe too divine for such idiocy that have refused to be pummeled by reluctant intelligence, but there goes the irony, right?

A lengthy piece would be such a total waste of time, so here goes:

These fucking retards

Shameless as they are shameful

Philippines is doomed.

Syempre, di ko palalampasin 'to. Our education has now depended on chipipay bon-bon shakers.

Sex-bomb girls, grind, grind.

Probe the circles, look for eggs

And shake your bon-bons.

To cap it all up, sabay-sabay: Shade, shade, AWWWW!

Sunday, March 07, 2010

Oscar 2010 roundup

Last year, it was a couple of hours before I did my usual Oscar roundup. I dunno, it’s the usual cramming, gets me on my nerves. Jolt energy to my fingers. And apparently, I seem to still give a shit about this prognostication. Anyway, let’s get this done and over with. The 2010 Oscars offers a huge format change. The Academy will choose a Best Picture from 10 nominees, something that has not been done since the 30s or 40s. We have to expect something new each year, which began last year, all in the name of ratings. People don’t gather around their boob tubes to watch stupid award shows anymore unless they see someone or something familiar. Everybody’s a sucker for Brangelina. It’s what ups the ratings.

Coming up with 10 seems to make matters complicated and difficult for the AMPAS, but with this year’s race, it actually isn’t. Make it 20, it wouldn’t matter too, because it’s always been the pimpin’. Let’s start with the three likelihoods. I threw in Inglorious Basterds for the big smackdown between Avatar and The Hurt Locker, because it has its precursor, namely the SAG. There are a lot of actors in the Academy, and the Basterds won ensemble. That’s still a lot to consider. Numerically though, it’s The Hurt Locker’s to lose, gunning down, PGA, DGA and the rest of the major precursors. Avatar, well, because it’s the biggest in whatever. Talk about grandiosity, Mr. Cameron. The Globes also gave it a boost. You have hubby and ex-wife battling it out for director. So that’s a big marketing pitch already. I would like to give it to Tarantino, deservedly so, but I wouldn’t hurt if its Kathryn Bigelow. Shaming the opposite in a male-dominated genre is big enough a feat. Plus The Hurt Locker is really intense. Wonderfully lensed and acted as well, so you’ve got Jeremy Renner there. Saw it early last year so I didn’t wonder.

I still wish it would be Carey. For toppling Emma Thompson in that unforgettable scene, I’d give it to her. But it looks like Sandra written all over. Meryl should not have been nominated to save her from this horrendous crime, should Sandra win. Sandra definitely has the ace. She made history by becoming the only actress to really score big at the box office. That could clinch the gold. It’s not even the acting, she was much better in Crash.

It’s also Jeff’s to lose. It would really hurt if it’s given to say Colin Firth who does some really fine acting from among the crop this year. But Jeff in Crazy Heart is so strong, such an affecting performance, which I saw only yesterday and glad that I did. Chrissakes, let’s give it to the dude.

The supports are pretty much cut out to Mo’Nique and Christoph Waltz. Man, I can’t get over that amusing Nazi, and that opening scene, and the “bingo” scene, and every scene he inhabits. And I was terrified by Mo’Nique’s perferformance, the last scene was way up the top of the league. The supports have been inclined much towards the villainous recently, with Javier Bardem the other year.

I’m really interested in seeing the foreign film noms, which are so inaccessibly hard in the “popular” market. I can’t make a prediction, but it looks intense, base on the trailers alone. The techs are pretty much The Hurt Locker’s or Avatar’s, having at least 9 noms. Up in the Air, which was a frontrunner way back when, would I guess settle for an adapted, though I’d really, really want Nick Hornby’s adaptation of An Education to win. If Quentin’s not gonna go up for the Director nod, I’m sure he’ll be up there for the original screenplay. It better be or I’ll smash some Nazi heads, or carve them ala-Aldo Raine.

Friday, March 05, 2010

going for the cutesy.

Okay, like it or not, rigged or not (and I even have my reasons to back this one up), the fact is American Idol is here to stay, or at least it looks like it, proving and pulling once again its enormous strength in its eighth year, despite the Paula cut-down, which I’m sure a lot of the show’s fans actually liked, and the genesis of De Generes, and despite the earlier pronouncement of Simon walking out after this year.

I wasn’t really sure what they’re gunning at especially when the contestants sucked during the Top 24 perfs. I mean, they should know better right? But it didn’t take long, and I realized what it’s all about enough for me to even spot two potential idol winners. Of course that’ll change when they’re 12 or 10. I didn’t notice David Cook until the Billie Jean rendition, and Kris Allen in his version of Ain’t No Sunshine. These songs were performed 9 weeks before the finale, and that’s when I called them, without any ambivalence. Prognosticator? I don’t know. I’ve only watched the show since Cook’s time.

Voice and talent notwithstanding, because you have to have it of course, AI is trying to be all the more current, which explains the seemingly lax and uninteresting/interesting personas. The voice definitely will not play the biggest selling point here; personality, charm and uniqueness will. Having said that, for the guys: Lee Dewyze, Alex Lambert, then Andrew Garcia; girls: Lily Scott, Siobhan Magnus, then Crystal Bowersox, Katelyn Epperly. Your top 7? Beats me.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

the art of ineptness

Over the usual bland Chinese food we always can’t seem to get rid of, a colleague and I were deriding certain people worth deriding. I said to him that it is not really my habit to badmouth people, being the Confucian that I am, adhering to that principle of the good-natured-ness of man with utmost fervor. What I can lay claim to though in the past couple of years as a working, toiling individual is the certainty of the said people’s existence and the apparent reasons why they are worth picking on. It’s not even just picking on, because that connotes bully-ism which I am definitely not. And picking on also connotes that the said people are innocent with no muck in the eye. Because they certainly have a lot of it. I did not imagine that I’d be breathing with the said people until about two or more years ago. Lousy motherfuckers. Such idiocy. Such retardation that shames the actual retards. Such callousness. Such corruption of moral fiber. Unbelievable ridiculousness and self-righteousness. Organized ineptness and absurdity. Gosh, why not summon such descriptions and fake the discomfiture? In the midst of all this mediocrity though, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that I am able to feel jitters when I come to think of the day I’ll imbibe such systemic idiocy.

Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, Choose a f—king big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose a three piece suit on hire purchased in a range of f—king fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the f—k you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing f—king junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, f—ked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose a future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?

Renton, Trainspotting